my wonderful natural birth

I had been worried that I would never go into labor, thursday night I was 2 days overdue and due to wind damage our power went out. I cant tell you how much it sucked having to sleep in that heat. I woke up between 6am and 7am friday morning, and was having contractions. I had been having them in my sleep too.  I woke up B and told him we needed to go get some breakfast because I was starving and we still had no power so I need to find a place to shower as well since I had an OBGYN check up at 10:20. I was still having contractions pretty often but was sure how far apart they were or how long they were since my phone had died shortly after I woke up, all clocks in our house are digital. So while we waited for tzariel to wake up (Kari had spent the night with mama Jane) we loaded all my hospital stuff into the car and I crunk my car and plugged my phone into charge. As it got closer to 8am I asked B to wake up tzariel and change him, my contractions were now getting stronger. We left and went to McDonalds to get something to eat, I had some sweet tea and a mcmuffin. I texted B's aunt debbie to ask if we could come over so I could shower before my doc apt. and she said yes. When we got there I showered and got dressed. I then had B get out my birthing ball so I could sit on it. I started timing my contractions about 9:15am and by 10 they had been lasting anywhere from 1-2 mins and were 1-3 mins apart. I told B we needed to leave for my doc apt and txted my doula Nicole and B's mom to meet us there. When we got to the docs office, it was packed, they said I could stay and be checked or go to the hospital. I decided hospital, I didnt want to wait there for 30 mins just to have to wait 30 mins at the hospital too. My contractions were getting so stong now. I was really feeling the need to be loud through out alot of them. We got over to the hospital and B dropped me off at the door while he parked the car and carried in Tzariel. I did the whole admittance thing at the desk and waited for him. Shortly after he arrived so did nicole. By this time I had cried through a few of my contractions, they were getting so intense, and it was worse if I wasnt on the birthing ball. Nicole ran to get it from my car while we were still waiting in the lobby to be taken back. Some guy was kinda being a jackass and came over while i was in the middle of a contraction trying to talk to me and say I better go back there before I have the baby. I really wanted to cuss him out, really but nicole was helping me focus and breath. My nurse finally came and she was kinda frustraiting. She didnt want nicole or B to go back with me, she said they could after we got settled, I finally said "I dont want to be alone" so she said it was ok if B came with me. Oh and by this time Leah my MIL had already come and gotten Tzariel. When we got back the nurse says
"So what brings you in today?" what? really lady? I just thought to myself  "is everyone stupid today" I told her I had been having contractions 1-3 mins apart for longer then the last hour. After they got me in a small room Jo Ellen came in to check me. It hurt like hell when she did, but she was surprised to find out (as was I) that I was dilated to 8cm!!! I had been so afraid I would only be dilated to 3-4cm so it was actually quite a releif! It did hurt alot worse laying on the bed tho. They insisted i be on it tho untill they moved me to a delivery room. I hated it! I kept telling them i needed up. I had B go get nicole and my labor bag and birth plan. All the nurses and the midwife were rushing around me, it was really stressing me out. Im pretty sure B and Nicole could tell bc nicole kept telling me how great i was doing. She was really wonderful. it took them several tries and me crying for them to get my HEP lock in. The nurses insisted on double checking with Jo Ellen too to make sure it was ok that I wasnt getting an IV but i was glad they didnt give me a hard time about it. I remeber asking everyone in the room to make sure and read my birth plan that it was important. I asked B to give the baby nurse the cloth diaper bc i really didnt want disposables on him. The baby nurse came and talked to me about Vitamin K. She said they didnt have the oral kind but the doc was willing to try giving the baby the shot as a oral dose or call some local pharmacy's and see what they could come up with but they had never had someone ask for the oral dose. I decided that As long as they waited till after bonding I was ok with the shot.  Finally everyone stopped asking questions and trying to stick me and left us alone for a while.I was really glad to also get that stupid monitor off my stomach (it was very itchy) bc it took them forever to get what they thought was "a good reading" so i could take it off, I had signed a waiver for intermittent monitoring. My contractions were getting so much stronger and i felt like i couldnt move. It took a bit of pushing but nicole finally got me out of the bed again. thank god bc i felt so much better once i did. Sitting on the birthing ball wasnt helping at this point, it was too much pressure. The problem with the bed was once i got in it i felt like i couldnt get out, but once i got out i felt much better. After a while Jo Ellen came in to check on us, she asked if i would like to get in the jet tub,  "i would love to!" was my response. I hadnt previously asked bc i figured I was too far along in dialation for them to say it was ok (they have a strict no water birth policy there) so i was really excited. Nicole and Jo Ellen got me settled in the tub and then B and nicole came and sat with me. Nicole was feeding me a granola bar i brought and let me tell you it was the best granola bar id ever had! lol i was so hungry, but i started feeling a little nausus so i decided to not eat anymore. The water and jet tub really helped relieve my back labor but seemed to make my uterine contractions feel much stronger. I finally got upset about it and said i needed out now! Nicole and B helped me out of the tub and dry off (and B was sweet enough to put some lotion on my feet.) Then my nurse came back in. Which i wasnt happy about bc this means its time for monitoring UGGHHHH! So they got me back in the stupid bed  (you might can tell i hate the bed and monitoring alot lol) and it took a while but she finally got the thing to pick up marius heart beat. She told me they needed to monitor me for at least 20 mins since I had been in the tub. I dont know how long i was sitting there but the contractions seemed to get so so so strong and i wanted up so bad, but then i started feeling like i needed to push. I told B and nicole to please let the midwife know. Judy came in. Grrrr. Apparently they had changed shifts and now I had Judy instead of Jo Ellen. I was disappointed but oh well. After I got thru another contraction they got me up on the bed and Judy checked me, She said i was dialated to 10 and I could push whenever I wanted. She said she could really feel my bag of water bulging and it would help bring the baby down if I would let her break it (this was the main reason i didnt want judy, when i was a doula at another birth she was kinda intervention pushy) B told her i really didnt want my water broken. He was right I really didnt. But laying in stupid bed was making me hurt more. I started feeling like I couldnt do this anymore, I was very ready for it to be over. I told her she could go ahead and break my water. She went to check me and had the little hook ready but accidently broke my water with her finger. It was an amazing feeling. I felt like alot of pressure was released off my belly. But now my contractions felt harder in my uterus.

At this point, ill just be honest, it all kinda gets blurry. I had no idea what the time was before now, let alone during the whole pushing phase. I do remeber after this getting out of the bed again. I remeber holding onto B in a "Slow dance" position to work thru contractions and some pushing and squatting thru some too. Judy asked me what position i wanted to give birth it (I was sitting on the side of the bed now) and I said like this (I had just also said i was really feeling like i needed to push now) and she said I couldnt. I ignored her. Shes a midwife i thought, she should give birth how I want to. I just kept pushing and breathing and squatting thru a few contractions. finally she got fed up im sure bc she got B to help her move me onto the bed in the middle of a contraction. Smart move on her part bc during those I felt like i couldnt do anything else but breath. but I was mad at her for it. Nicole and B were being really wonderful during all this. they kept telling me how great I was doing and nicole held my hand. it was very comforting anytime she touched me. I know at some point I just looked at her and I was crying and telling her I couldnt do it and that I just needed it to be over with. She told me I could do it over and over. It was reassuring but I was getting so tired. I was so so so hot too. B held a fan on me and him and Nicole took turns giving me water. I was pushing on and Off. Judy was pissing me off again. She kept saying how i wasnt pushing "right" and that i was making the baby go back in and all kinda crap like that. she went out of the room for a bit and i LOVE nicole for asking me this, she said "do you want me to just slap her?" "please" i said lol! I knew in my mind that me being in the supine position wasnt doing me any good, but by the time judy asked me about other positions again, i didnt feel like i could keep my eyes open or even talk, let alone move into another position. Pushing was making me very tired, and I was getting loud thru alot of my contractions at this point. I remember crying more and saying how i couldnt do it to all of them and that I needed it to be over. I remember arguing with Judy that i kept telling her i didnt have the strength to push anymore bc she kept telling me again I wasnt doing it right. My body felt so tired and hot. I really did just want it to be over with. Judy started saying how i needed to take out my lip rings incase of an emergency. I just ignored her again. It made me think she was thinking of giving me a c-sections. I knew i didnt want that. If that happened Id never have kids again bc I didnt want to risk not being able to have another vaginal birth (even tho i know a VBAC is possible, its hard finding a doc around here to support you in once, so it lessens your chances when you dont have the support.) Having a CS was my ultimate fear. This i actually think is what pushed me to get into my groove. I started pushing more. Judy still telling my i wasnt pushing right and now also informing Dr. Smith i wasnt pushing right so we werent getting very far. In my mind i just imagined Ina May Gaskin (dont laugh! i really did!) there with B and me and Nicole. She was telling me (just like i read in her book) that small pushes were better for me and i was trying to ignore Judy's counting to 10. I didnt feel like i could open my eyes or talk hardly so when i felt like I needed to push I would say "again" or tap my thighs with my hands. Nicole was holding one let and B was holding the other. I finally asked them to leave them in stirrups between pushing bc it was tiring me and making it hurt more moving my legs up and down so much. I dont know how long I pushed for total, B tells me now he thinks it was 1 or 2 hrs, but I have no idea. I just remeber Judy started asking me over and over if I wanted to see his head. I kept telling her no. She doesnt listen at all i thought. B was wispering to me now how I almost had it, and that he could see his hair, he said it was brown and looked curly. I remember sometimes looking at B and Nicole, and i remember they made me feel good, but for the life of me i cant remember everything they said to me. I was very much in labor land this whole time.
Now I was feeling very determinded, I kept pushing all that I could. At this point, I dont remember pain really. I just remember being in my own head and telling my self to push everytime i felt like i needed to. I remember feeling so tired and still sooo hot. I felt like I was almost there. Now they were all telling me i was so close. I felt some burning at one point and Judy said that I almost had his head out. Then she asked me to push again. I remember screaming out at this point and feeling so much releife! he was out. she put him on my belly. I think I was in shock. I couldnt believe it was over. I was so happy. he was so beautiful. i remember hearing judy tell B to help her dry him off. she waited a while and then asked him to clamp the cord. I just kept holding him. I  was so happy. so in love with him. Judy told the nurse to bring some cytotec  for me to take since i wasnt having an IV for pitocen. I asked her why, she said for pp hemoraging. I told her i didnt want to take any. I could tell she was reluctant but she said ok. I told her i still felt like i had to push she said ok, since my placenta needed to come out. I was happy bc the nurse got it all packaged up and on ice for me.I finally started nursing marius. he was such a strong nurser! latched on perfectly! Judy was stitching me up. I had a 2nd degree tear. From being in the stupid bed im sure and being on my back. But oh well. I wasnt hurting at all. But it did hurt when she would pull on those stitches. after id say, about an hour, the baby nurses came and asked if they could go ahead and check him out. I said ok. I was suprised to find he was 9lbs and 12 oz and 21 inches long. The baby nurses didnt give me a hard time about not wanting eye ointment or the hep B vax either. the diapered him, took his feet prints, temp, weight and length and swaddled him up and gave him back. I asked them to unwrap him so we could do more skin to skin. I was just so in love and so happy. Nicole looked at me and told me "You did it!" i was so happy and so proud. Although it didnt really hit me untill amy came in and I started to cry. I did it!

*Afterthoughts*
Although my midwife wasnt all that supportive throughout my birth (or my nurse for that matter) I had my wonderful awesome doula Nicole and my sweet hubby B there. They were wonderful at being supportive and making my wishes known. I feel like my soul has been healed by this birth. I no longer feel guilt from my other births, and its made it easier to deal with the truama i felt from tzariels birth. I feel peaceful and happy. The only choice I made that I feel hesitant about was having my water broken, but even then i do feel like i was ready for it to break and Im ok with my choice in the end. I will never ever have an epidural or IV again during birith (if there are more of them lol) specially since afterwards I felt so awesome after natural birth, even in the days following as compared to my medicaded births (even B said he noticed a big difference immediatly after birth and the following days).  I felt like this birth was everything i needed and wanted and could have wished for in a hospital birth. Looking back I dont feel like any part of labor, or the pain was too much for me to handle, I did mean it the times i cried from the pain, or said i needed it to be over, but when i said i didnt feel like i could do it, i really was just saying i was tired, and I was but i know labor is called labor for a reason, it makes you tired! But it was all so worth it. The pain you have in labor, was easy to deal with for the most part, specially bc once the baby was out, it was over. "im not saying its going to be easy, im saying itll be worth it" is one of my fav. quotes, and its so true about labor. I hope my birth story inspires you all to give natural birth a try.

this is my fav. photo from my whole birth

thanks to nicole for taking the pics and being an amazing doula

and thanks to my hubby for being far more supportive then i ever expected! 

Cloth convert

As you may know Ive been cloth diapering now for 14 months (my son is 18 months.)  When I was pregnant my mother in law asked me if I planned on using cloth diapers (she used cloth for her kids) and I remember saying to my husband "WHY on earth would anyone choose to cloth diaper??!?!" I laugh looking back on that now. I get asked the same question all the time, or the more common one "What do you do with the poop?" well people what do you think I do with it? Keep it? No! Just in case you wondered when you breastfeed your baby and thats all they eat you dont really have to do anything with it, just throw it in the washer, some people prefer a diaper sprayer that you can hold your diaper over the toilet and spray the poop out, but its not really a necessity. When your baby gets to solid foods, their poop will become solid, so now I just dump it in the toilet, easy peasy! Also looking back I thought the only options were whats called prefolds (those diapers your great grandma used that look like a rag) and safety pins, and I thought how would anyone safety pin a diaper on a squirmy baby and what about all the leaks? Well now they have these awesome things called Snappis they are awesome and no poking your baby! And there are so many options now other then prefolds, they actually make diapers that look just like disposables. They are all pretty simple and will save you lots of money, not to mention they are really great for the earth (it takes one disposable diaper 400-500 years to decompose in a landfill, AND did you know the packaging from the company actually says you shouldnt be throwing the poo in the trash but should first flush it?! who would have thought!) If you ever want to know more about cloth diapering I will be more then happy to help you out, some of the terms and info can take a bit to get used to. I have a rather large stash of diapers that are all different and I plan on later on doing some reviews on diapers! Anyways around the time my son was about one or two months old I saw a friend post on her facebook that she had gotten enough cloth diapers for her son when he was born. This interested me. A girl my age using cloth? So I messaged her and asked for more info. I was now even more interested, saving money and the earth? How awesome is that! Not to mention these cloth diapers she showed me were adorable (and Im a sucker for anything cute!) So I found a store in Chattanooga that sold them. I went and bought one just to try out and LOVED IT! No leaks, no poop up the back of my sons shirt either! this thing was awesome! So I decided when we got our taxes back I would buy more and we would do away with the disposables! Im so glad I did too! Ive actually become quite the diaper shopper lol and I love the site Sew Crafty Baby (this is the site my friend showed me.) No matter how much Ive shopped around she always has the best prices, I havent found a single site that has cheaper then her, and if you like her facebook page shes always got great promos or discounts available! As you can see cloth diapering really excites me lol so the next thing that I heard of was cloth wipes. I was even more surprised at this! I mean come on wipes? I just dont see that working for me. I really realized about 2-3 months ago how many wipes we use for my son, and to think we have another one coming, that is alot of money in wipes every week! So the first thing I  did was test some wipe solution, its not something you have to have because you can just use some baby wash and water mixed together, but I didnt really care for that, you have to change it out every other day or so.I tested a brand when my son was around 6-9 months old called punkin booty bits. I got a wipe warmer and put some baby rags in it ( you can use these as cloth wipes, or you can buy some actual cloth wipes as well as make them if you can sew) and poured the solution in there. I did not like it at all, after a day it was smelling moldy, I then decided cloth wipes, definitely not for me. Later on after that, my now awesome friend Jen who runs sew crafty baby needed some testers for a wipe solution she had made called Bee Green Naturals so I volunteered. I thought it cant hurt right? Well I loved loved the solution! It didnt have a moldy smell after a day or so at all! This excited me! So next I was thinking "Im not really sure how to use the cloth wipes" and I just so happen to come across this video and it really helped me! So in the past few weeks I gathered up my remaining baby rags ( I never really used them for my son, we have a loofah) and bought a few cloth wipes and got out the rest of my bee green naturals wipe solutions and mixed it up. So far Im really loving it! They are much thicker so the clean alot better as well as are wider so you can get more off then he poops. I also have always had the problem with disposable wipes that after he pees his booty still kinda smells like pee, with the wipe solution it doesnt, it smells fresh like he just had a bath! I decided instead of keeping my wipes in the wipe warmer and wet like I tried before that I would get a squirt bottle and keep my solution in there and just spray his booty or the wipe, its simpler this way for me. On average with disposable wipes if he had a  really messy poop I would prolly have used 6-7 wipes, now with cloth I havenet used more then 3 on a really messy poop. The great thing is I can just throw them in the wash with my diapers and they are all clean! Saves a lot of money too. A large pack of disposable wipes that fills two wipe holders is about $5-6 every two weeks. Wipe solution cubes are $3.75 and they come with 20 cubes, I mix mine in a power aid bottle and pour it into my squirt bottle ($1 from the dollar tree) as I need it. My cloth wipes I have spent about $18 on and I have 25 and a handy little wet bag to keep them in as well, not to mention I have about a dozen baby rags I use as well. As you can see its pretty efficient. The last thing I did was yesterday I went to family dollar store and bought a little caddy (only a $1.50)  to keep my stuff in. I felt like it was cluttered laying all over my end table and my son likes to throw it around the house.

This little thing keeps it tidy and easy to move around for diaper changes! On the left there is a little green bag that I keep my snappis in and my cloth wipes, then on the top right my poweraid bottle of solution, wipe cubes (you can barely see them in the little zippi bag) my CJ's BUTTer sample and spray (its cloth diaper safe diaper cream) and baby brush, and then on the bottom right my sprayer filled with solution and a nose sucker (my son loves getting his nosed clean out, weird right lol!)

And here is my little diaper stacker (my awesome friend Vanessa got this for me as a shower gift for my son) The top shelf has our daytime diapers, second shelf on the left has diaper covers and a few diapers we rarely use (laundry day diapers!) and on the right are my nighttime diapers, bottom left are my prefolds and right are my newborn diapers for when this baby comes!

I would finally like to add to this post no one has ever asked me to promote any certain brands or websites, I simply love to share what I love! If you ever want to know more about cloth let me know! I would love to share more!

Another beautiful baby

Yesterday was a very exciting day! We had out ultrasound around 10am and the lady was great. She did everything I asked so that we wouldnt know the baby's gender untill the gender reveal party last night. I was so excited. Everyone was asked to wear a pink or blue shirt for their vote on the babies gender, 6 said a girl (myself included) and 2 a boy.  Turns out we are having another son! We are so excited! I was super surprised because I had been having dreams the past few weeks we were having a girl, even tho at the beginning I thought it was a boy. They say to go with your instincts lol! 

 our beautiful cake

 cutting the cake!

 you can see i was so suprised!

 our little man!

 our little man!

 I really love this one with him sucking his thumb!

another little prince to add to our family!!

my face! your face

Anyone that knows me can tell you since the time i was 11/12 I have struggled with acne. Its depressing to feel like i will be 90 one day and prolly still have acne. Its also a reason i feel like i have low self esteem. I really dont like going anywhere without makeup because of all the redness and scars and so on. I have more recently made it a point to go out with out make up on because I am trying to make myself more comfortable without make up. Although it doesnt help when ppl are like "gosh are your sick" or "whats wrong with your face?" I really hate those comments. What happened to if its not nice then dont say it? Anyways! Im writing this because as I have well established Im obsessed with pinterest. I found an amazing DIY face wash that I was actually really skeptical about at first. I mean come on did you read it? It told me to put MORE OIL on my face. I think its oily enough. Well I finally gave in and thought for a few bucks it cant hurt to try it, I mean I have tried everything. Ive tried no make up, mineral make up, organic make up, proactive, going to the dermatologist, bar soap, and pretty much every other the counter type facial cleaners there are. Nothing has ever worked. I will say depending on what makeups I use it may worsen the ance but its never really helped it go away. Well I am not on day 3 of trying the DIY face wash and I am loving it, my only hope is that it continues to work this well! I do still have acne that I had before I started using it, however when I wake up in the morning my face doesnt feel all oily and gross, it feels the same way as when i just washed it and got out of the shower. It was very strange the first time i did it i thought, boy im going to regret this but Im not. I just wanted to make a great recommendation.

Mmm purpley goodness :]

yesterday I made more progress in making my family eat healthier. I have recently been making freezer meals that are easy to make in the crock pot (inspired by pinterest of course lol) and what ill do is go get my groceries and then bring it home and chop up the veggies or fruits and put them along with the meat or spices into a gallon zip lock back and freeze it. that way when its time to cook all i do everyday is throw it in the crock pot! Prepping everything takes several hours but its well worth it on busy days and i always know there's something ready to make!

this is my freezer now

I will say something i have learned so far is that on the websites they tell you to lay them out flat, dont do it! it makes it harder to get the food out and then on top of that you have this big square that wont fit in your crock pot and its completely frozen. this freezer is to sessions of prep time. Most of the bottom half of the inside is for smoothies. Ive decided to try and lay off the coffee. For those of you who know me, you know this will be a huge challenge for me.i LOVE coffee. So to replace my coffee i bought some yummy herbal teas, and stuff for smoothies! This morning is my purple smoothie! Its pretty good, i dont really care for the seeds in it, i cant figure out if its from the blueberries or blackberries lol but its tasting more like banana. It has pomegranate juice, i cup each of strawberries, blackberries and blueberries, a half a banana and instead of ice like the recipe called for i used vanilla yogurt that i froze into little ice cube trays.All the recipes Ive been using i found thru pinterest so if you want to follow me there go ahead! 

it doesn't really look purple in this pic but my camera flash was really bright

Tzariel is enjoying himself one too!

On top of smoothies for breakfast we are also going to be trying to eat some whole grains, i got some bagels, oatmeal with flax seed and of course tzariel's favorite cheerios. He will prolly eat more of those then me lol. Then for lunch we are going to have salad with a little baked chicken with herbs and then dinners will of course be my crock pot meals. Ive also got to get a plan for exercising but i haven't figured it out yet. We are working on it one day at a time. I was excited because i think out of all the food i got yesterday just a few things were processed foods. I really think a change into a better diet will make a difference in us all. 

Also very exciting news is i found a doula! Her name is Nicole. she is very nice and I'm really excited to be working with her! Well Im sure I have a lot to do today so Im off for now!

what brought me here

I was only going to post once today. That was untill i read It's not your circum-decision today after seeing the post from Saving Our Sons on facebook. I wanted to share my feelings and thoughts and what brought me to my decision on not mutilating my sons genitals. I loved everything the author said on her post. I dont see how any parent can say its "their choice" to make for their children when its not their body. Circumcision is the only cosmetic surgery allowed to be performed on children without a medical necessity. I chose to keep my son intact, i believe it is his body to make that choice, when he is of legal consenting age. I remember when my mother had my brother, she didnt want to circumcised him. I was only 12 then. His father wanted it done (from what she told me anyways). She went ahead and sign the consent form. I remember in the days following his bloody diapers and scabs and crying almost every time he peed in his diaper and all the ointment she would have to put on him. Even then it broke my heart to see my newborn brother in pain. I truly believe this is what opened my eyes. When i got pregnant with Kari i was so thankful that she was a girl for this specific reason. Her father had alot of control over me then (thats another story) and I know now i prolly would have given in to his wishes to have it done had she been a boy. We had fought over it several times during my pregnancy prior to finding out her gender. I am so thankful for my husband now. B did want to have Tzariel circumcised. I never really had to fight him on it though. We did decide on the compromise of when he is old enough if he wants it done we will pay for it. I thought that was a good compromise. The only reason my husband wanted it done to my son was is that he isnt and he experiences phimosis, which is common is about 1-2% of men who are left intact, but can be treated without circumcision (we only recently found this out) and i have encouraged him to see a doctor about it if he isnt happy currently.I just knew i didnt want my son to go thru all that pain and then i watched a video on youtube of a circumcision. I cried so bad. It was horrible. So that made me start my research. I found out the American Association of Pediatrics (AAP) doesnt even recommend it be done and that there is no medical reason for it to be done, and that your son could possible even DIE from the procedure (that was a big shock for me). This only affirmed me not wanting to have it done and Im so thankful i didnt. some people say its "cleaner" i sure dont see how. ive never had to apply any kid of medicine to my sons penis, i just clean it off just like you would his finger. Theres no reason for you to try and retract the foreskin it will do it on its own in time. I just hope others out there do the research and stand up for their sons. I know now I have to stand firm in my belief in keeping our children whole and we all as parents need to be responsible and stand up for all children. Boy or girl there is no reason for genital mutilation. Please parents consider what you are doing. There is so much more that I could go on about. I really recommend going to Peaceful Parenting there is so much on this site about circumcision and how its not necessary, and the function of foreskin (and yes it is there for many reasons it there) because really there is no decision to be made simply because its not yours to make.

my intact son Tzariel

still trying to catch up!

Ok so much has been going on! Ive always wanted to have a blog and now i have the time to do. lol i just have to make myself! its been a little over a week since i lost my job at tmobile. it was really just a blessing in disguise tho because the stress that job put on me had started to take a toll on my mind and body. Since i havent been working there i have felt so much better. I really thought i was just sick because of the pregnancy, however i now really feel like the majority of it was stress and with pregnancy intensifying it all just made it worse. I was really at the point i thought i might have a mental breakdown. I cant begin to even explain how much better i am doing now. Thankfully a week after i was fired, B got a call from a temp agency and was given a job. Its not much but at least its something! He is still going to keep looking for a better one tho, it has been hard adjusting to working 3rd shift for him. Im so proud of him tho hes really taking it very seriously. Ive also recently become OBSESSED, no seriously, obsessed with pinterest! Ive found so many ideas and recipes on there! So far only one thing ive tried on there has not worked, and it was a recipe me and amy did for homemade lip gloss. it was a big fail but we ended up making our own recipe very well! Im very excited because on 2/13/12 we get to find out what the baby is! We (and when i say we, this was mostly B) were inspired by Ashleys Green life blog to do a gender reveal party! We knew we wanted to do something different with finding out the baby's gender this time. So in case you haven't heard of a gender revel party ill clue you in! What you do is when you go to get your ultra sound you tell the tech not to tell you but to write it down and put in a sealed envelope and you take the envelope to your baker (in this cake my bff amy) and they will bake  a gender neutral cake on the outside and inside it will have either pink or blue for the gender. So we are going to invite my dad and donna, B's mom and larry and bobby and amy over for the little party that way we all find out together! Im so excited! Ill make sure and post some pics from the party. Well Im going to go for now ive got a mess to clean up from breakfast and a little man to put down for a nap- oh and before i forget Tzariel took his first steps last night! it was so exciting! he will only take a few at a time and then gets so excited he falls down lol!

its been a while!

Its been sevral months since i got on here. time has just been flying by. i feel so busy some days! so for a few updates! We found out my EDD is going to be July 3rd. And im currently seeing the midwifes (and sometimes OBGYN's) at AOG. So far i REALLY love Rita Marie and Michelle. Im really hoping I get one of them for my labor! I really did want to do a homebirth but with B not working and things not going so well at my current job, i dont think im going to be able to set the extra money back to do a homebirth :[ maybe next time (if there is one lol) BUT i know I am definatly going to get a doula, they are not really pricy and i think i will really need the support in labor! Im still very nervous somedays about having an all natural of a labor as possible but im so excited about it as well! I really feel great bc i want to take back my birth! Thats really about it for now. I will try more to keep up in here!

the sun isnt even up

but I am! Im never been a morning person. But when I was pregnant with Tzariel and now this time around at night I cannot go to sleep until late and then I wake up super early! Which makes me even more tired. Grr! Oh well. I guess more time in my day, maybe Ill get a nap in sometime! Today is going to be such a busy day! Ive got housework to do, have to go to the health dpt. and take stuff for WIC, also gotta go to Karis school and take stuff for the party. They asked me to bring chips. However Im going to take apples and grapes. I just feel like these kids are going to be getting enough junk/sweets, they will need a healthy snack too. Im contemplating on doing my hair today, it really needs it. its white looking. soo ugly lol. Also i need to go see amy, i miss her! and then we have trick or treating tonight to do but I have no idea where we are going to be doing it! I also need to try and call the midwifes Ive been trying to talk with. I just feel like there is so much to do and not enough time to do it in! But I need to get on the ball with it and get my first apt set up. I think until I do get a midwife picked out Im going to see the midwifes and OBs at AOG. Ive heard good and bad things about them, but I figure its good to have a backup in case I have to go to the hospital or having a midwife doesnt work out. I also actually have no idea what my expected due date is bc I dont remember at all when my last cycle was. So we are guessing june? Brandon is already getting on my nerves this morning. I feel like if i want anything done right I have to do it myself. its so annoying! I dont know what to do to make him less annoying. Well thats it for now have a lovely day!

bleh

So Im now wishing I didnt put on purfume this morning. I always do with no problem, but the morning sickness fairy is killing me, bc she visits all day not just in the morning. Im very excited bc I have gotten some responses from the midwifes I email on monday. Im hoping to set up apts. with them soon. Im very excited at the possibility of a homebirth and its what Im really hoping for. My friend colin (who doesnt know much about kids bc he has never really been around them) thought a midwife was like a call girl lol! He always makes me laugh when it comes to baby stuff. I still have so much on my mind about this baby. But im still so excited. I just am hoping this time around I feel alot better then I did with Tzariel. Oh and ive been told sevral times now that im either having a girl or twins, its funny. People really had me convinced I was having twins with tzariel because i was so big, well it was just him! I would have been in for such a suprise! Well Ive got to get ready for work now but maybe more tonight if Im feeling up to it. Ill leave you with a pic of me the day before I had Tzariel.