I had been worried that I would never go into labor, thursday night I was 2 days overdue and due to wind damage our power went out. I cant tell you how much it sucked having to sleep in that heat. I woke up between 6am and 7am friday morning, and was having contractions. I had been having them in my sleep too. I woke up B and told him we needed to go get some breakfast because I was starving and we still had no power so I need to find a place to shower as well since I had an OBGYN check up at 10:20. I was still having contractions pretty often but was sure how far apart they were or how long they were since my phone had died shortly after I woke up, all clocks in our house are digital. So while we waited for tzariel to wake up (Kari had spent the night with mama Jane) we loaded all my hospital stuff into the car and I crunk my car and plugged my phone into charge. As it got closer to 8am I asked B to wake up tzariel and change him, my contractions were now getting stronger. We left and went to McDonalds to get something to eat, I had some sweet tea and a mcmuffin. I texted B's aunt debbie to ask if we could come over so I could shower before my doc apt. and she said yes. When we got there I showered and got dressed. I then had B get out my birthing ball so I could sit on it. I started timing my contractions about 9:15am and by 10 they had been lasting anywhere from 1-2 mins and were 1-3 mins apart. I told B we needed to leave for my doc apt and txted my doula Nicole and B's mom to meet us there. When we got to the docs office, it was packed, they said I could stay and be checked or go to the hospital. I decided hospital, I didnt want to wait there for 30 mins just to have to wait 30 mins at the hospital too. My contractions were getting so stong now. I was really feeling the need to be loud through out alot of them. We got over to the hospital and B dropped me off at the door while he parked the car and carried in Tzariel. I did the whole admittance thing at the desk and waited for him. Shortly after he arrived so did nicole. By this time I had cried through a few of my contractions, they were getting so intense, and it was worse if I wasnt on the birthing ball. Nicole ran to get it from my car while we were still waiting in the lobby to be taken back. Some guy was kinda being a jackass and came over while i was in the middle of a contraction trying to talk to me and say I better go back there before I have the baby. I really wanted to cuss him out, really but nicole was helping me focus and breath. My nurse finally came and she was kinda frustraiting. She didnt want nicole or B to go back with me, she said they could after we got settled, I finally said "I dont want to be alone" so she said it was ok if B came with me. Oh and by this time Leah my MIL had already come and gotten Tzariel. When we got back the nurse says
"So what brings you in today?" what? really lady? I just thought to myself "is everyone stupid today" I told her I had been having contractions 1-3 mins apart for longer then the last hour. After they got me in a small room Jo Ellen came in to check me. It hurt like hell when she did, but she was surprised to find out (as was I) that I was dilated to 8cm!!! I had been so afraid I would only be dilated to 3-4cm so it was actually quite a releif! It did hurt alot worse laying on the bed tho. They insisted i be on it tho untill they moved me to a delivery room. I hated it! I kept telling them i needed up. I had B go get nicole and my labor bag and birth plan. All the nurses and the midwife were rushing around me, it was really stressing me out. Im pretty sure B and Nicole could tell bc nicole kept telling me how great i was doing. She was really wonderful. it took them several tries and me crying for them to get my HEP lock in. The nurses insisted on double checking with Jo Ellen too to make sure it was ok that I wasnt getting an IV but i was glad they didnt give me a hard time about it. I remeber asking everyone in the room to make sure and read my birth plan that it was important. I asked B to give the baby nurse the cloth diaper bc i really didnt want disposables on him. The baby nurse came and talked to me about Vitamin K. She said they didnt have the oral kind but the doc was willing to try giving the baby the shot as a oral dose or call some local pharmacy's and see what they could come up with but they had never had someone ask for the oral dose. I decided that As long as they waited till after bonding I was ok with the shot. Finally everyone stopped asking questions and trying to stick me and left us alone for a while.I was really glad to also get that stupid monitor off my stomach (it was very itchy) bc it took them forever to get what they thought was "a good reading" so i could take it off, I had signed a waiver for intermittent monitoring. My contractions were getting so much stronger and i felt like i couldnt move. It took a bit of pushing but nicole finally got me out of the bed again. thank god bc i felt so much better once i did. Sitting on the birthing ball wasnt helping at this point, it was too much pressure. The problem with the bed was once i got in it i felt like i couldnt get out, but once i got out i felt much better. After a while Jo Ellen came in to check on us, she asked if i would like to get in the jet tub, "i would love to!" was my response. I hadnt previously asked bc i figured I was too far along in dialation for them to say it was ok (they have a strict no water birth policy there) so i was really excited. Nicole and Jo Ellen got me settled in the tub and then B and nicole came and sat with me. Nicole was feeding me a granola bar i brought and let me tell you it was the best granola bar id ever had! lol i was so hungry, but i started feeling a little nausus so i decided to not eat anymore. The water and jet tub really helped relieve my back labor but seemed to make my uterine contractions feel much stronger. I finally got upset about it and said i needed out now! Nicole and B helped me out of the tub and dry off (and B was sweet enough to put some lotion on my feet.) Then my nurse came back in. Which i wasnt happy about bc this means its time for monitoring UGGHHHH! So they got me back in the stupid bed (you might can tell i hate the bed and monitoring alot lol) and it took a while but she finally got the thing to pick up marius heart beat. She told me they needed to monitor me for at least 20 mins since I had been in the tub. I dont know how long i was sitting there but the contractions seemed to get so so so strong and i wanted up so bad, but then i started feeling like i needed to push. I told B and nicole to please let the midwife know. Judy came in. Grrrr. Apparently they had changed shifts and now I had Judy instead of Jo Ellen. I was disappointed but oh well. After I got thru another contraction they got me up on the bed and Judy checked me, She said i was dialated to 10 and I could push whenever I wanted. She said she could really feel my bag of water bulging and it would help bring the baby down if I would let her break it (this was the main reason i didnt want judy, when i was a doula at another birth she was kinda intervention pushy) B told her i really didnt want my water broken. He was right I really didnt. But laying in stupid bed was making me hurt more. I started feeling like I couldnt do this anymore, I was very ready for it to be over. I told her she could go ahead and break my water. She went to check me and had the little hook ready but accidently broke my water with her finger. It was an amazing feeling. I felt like alot of pressure was released off my belly. But now my contractions felt harder in my uterus.
At this point, ill just be honest, it all kinda gets blurry. I had no idea what the time was before now, let alone during the whole pushing phase. I do remeber after this getting out of the bed again. I remeber holding onto B in a "Slow dance" position to work thru contractions and some pushing and squatting thru some too. Judy asked me what position i wanted to give birth it (I was sitting on the side of the bed now) and I said like this (I had just also said i was really feeling like i needed to push now) and she said I couldnt. I ignored her. Shes a midwife i thought, she should give birth how I want to. I just kept pushing and breathing and squatting thru a few contractions. finally she got fed up im sure bc she got B to help her move me onto the bed in the middle of a contraction. Smart move on her part bc during those I felt like i couldnt do anything else but breath. but I was mad at her for it. Nicole and B were being really wonderful during all this. they kept telling me how great I was doing and nicole held my hand. it was very comforting anytime she touched me. I know at some point I just looked at her and I was crying and telling her I couldnt do it and that I just needed it to be over with. She told me I could do it over and over. It was reassuring but I was getting so tired. I was so so so hot too. B held a fan on me and him and Nicole took turns giving me water. I was pushing on and Off. Judy was pissing me off again. She kept saying how i wasnt pushing "right" and that i was making the baby go back in and all kinda crap like that. she went out of the room for a bit and i LOVE nicole for asking me this, she said "do you want me to just slap her?" "please" i said lol! I knew in my mind that me being in the supine position wasnt doing me any good, but by the time judy asked me about other positions again, i didnt feel like i could keep my eyes open or even talk, let alone move into another position. Pushing was making me very tired, and I was getting loud thru alot of my contractions at this point. I remember crying more and saying how i couldnt do it to all of them and that I needed it to be over. I remember arguing with Judy that i kept telling her i didnt have the strength to push anymore bc she kept telling me again I wasnt doing it right. My body felt so tired and hot. I really did just want it to be over with. Judy started saying how i needed to take out my lip rings incase of an emergency. I just ignored her again. It made me think she was thinking of giving me a c-sections. I knew i didnt want that. If that happened Id never have kids again bc I didnt want to risk not being able to have another vaginal birth (even tho i know a VBAC is possible, its hard finding a doc around here to support you in once, so it lessens your chances when you dont have the support.) Having a CS was my ultimate fear. This i actually think is what pushed me to get into my groove. I started pushing more. Judy still telling my i wasnt pushing right and now also informing Dr. Smith i wasnt pushing right so we werent getting very far. In my mind i just imagined Ina May Gaskin (dont laugh! i really did!) there with B and me and Nicole. She was telling me (just like i read in her book) that small pushes were better for me and i was trying to ignore Judy's counting to 10. I didnt feel like i could open my eyes or talk hardly so when i felt like I needed to push I would say "again" or tap my thighs with my hands. Nicole was holding one let and B was holding the other. I finally asked them to leave them in stirrups between pushing bc it was tiring me and making it hurt more moving my legs up and down so much. I dont know how long I pushed for total, B tells me now he thinks it was 1 or 2 hrs, but I have no idea. I just remeber Judy started asking me over and over if I wanted to see his head. I kept telling her no. She doesnt listen at all i thought. B was wispering to me now how I almost had it, and that he could see his hair, he said it was brown and looked curly. I remember sometimes looking at B and Nicole, and i remember they made me feel good, but for the life of me i cant remember everything they said to me. I was very much in labor land this whole time.
Now I was feeling very determinded, I kept pushing all that I could. At this point, I dont remember pain really. I just remember being in my own head and telling my self to push everytime i felt like i needed to. I remember feeling so tired and still sooo hot. I felt like I was almost there. Now they were all telling me i was so close. I felt some burning at one point and Judy said that I almost had his head out. Then she asked me to push again. I remember screaming out at this point and feeling so much releife! he was out. she put him on my belly. I think I was in shock. I couldnt believe it was over. I was so happy. he was so beautiful. i remember hearing judy tell B to help her dry him off. she waited a while and then asked him to clamp the cord. I just kept holding him. I was so happy. so in love with him. Judy told the nurse to bring some cytotec for me to take since i wasnt having an IV for pitocen. I asked her why, she said for pp hemoraging. I told her i didnt want to take any. I could tell she was reluctant but she said ok. I told her i still felt like i had to push she said ok, since my placenta needed to come out. I was happy bc the nurse got it all packaged up and on ice for me.I finally started nursing marius. he was such a strong nurser! latched on perfectly! Judy was stitching me up. I had a 2nd degree tear. From being in the stupid bed im sure and being on my back. But oh well. I wasnt hurting at all. But it did hurt when she would pull on those stitches. after id say, about an hour, the baby nurses came and asked if they could go ahead and check him out. I said ok. I was suprised to find he was 9lbs and 12 oz and 21 inches long. The baby nurses didnt give me a hard time about not wanting eye ointment or the hep B vax either. the diapered him, took his feet prints, temp, weight and length and swaddled him up and gave him back. I asked them to unwrap him so we could do more skin to skin. I was just so in love and so happy. Nicole looked at me and told me "You did it!" i was so happy and so proud. Although it didnt really hit me untill amy came in and I started to cry. I did it!
*Afterthoughts*
Although my midwife wasnt all that supportive throughout my birth (or my nurse for that matter) I had my wonderful awesome doula Nicole and my sweet hubby B there. They were wonderful at being supportive and making my wishes known. I feel like my soul has been healed by this birth. I no longer feel guilt from my other births, and its made it easier to deal with the truama i felt from tzariels birth. I feel peaceful and happy. The only choice I made that I feel hesitant about was having my water broken, but even then i do feel like i was ready for it to break and Im ok with my choice in the end. I will never ever have an epidural or IV again during birith (if there are more of them lol) specially since afterwards I felt so awesome after natural birth, even in the days following as compared to my medicaded births (even B said he noticed a big difference immediatly after birth and the following days). I felt like this birth was everything i needed and wanted and could have wished for in a hospital birth. Looking back I dont feel like any part of labor, or the pain was too much for me to handle, I did mean it the times i cried from the pain, or said i needed it to be over, but when i said i didnt feel like i could do it, i really was just saying i was tired, and I was but i know labor is called labor for a reason, it makes you tired! But it was all so worth it. The pain you have in labor, was easy to deal with for the most part, specially bc once the baby was out, it was over. "im not saying its going to be easy, im saying itll be worth it" is one of my fav. quotes, and its so true about labor. I hope my birth story inspires you all to give natural birth a try.
this is my fav. photo from my whole birth
thanks to nicole for taking the pics and being an amazing doula
and thanks to my hubby for being far more supportive then i ever expected!
